Tonight I had a hard conversation. I'm grateful to be aware it was not only difficult for me. It was difficult for my conversation partner as well. How hard it is sometimes to navigate social interactions tied to deep emotions and past pains. I want to do the noble thing. I take solace in knowing my intent is just as important as my actions because I know my intent to be honest, forthright. I seek to do good for all parties involved.
Its not possible to have highly emotional conversations without taking a long look at one's self OR further ignoring our own mistakes and justifying our poor choices based on others' choices. Why is it so hard sometimes to say, "I respect you, I believe you. I want to believe you and I'm trying. I care about what you say and I'll do my best to continue respecting you?"
Tonight, I found confidence in knowing what I was discussing and why I was discussing it. That may seem simple. But, think about the worst fights you've ever had. Its easier to remember how wrong the other person was than to remember solutions. Think about the best conversations you've ever had. My best conversations have lasted hours, felt like minutes and left me endeared to the person I talked to, hopeful, and invigorated.
Sometimes people break our trust. It will happen. And sometimes we are the untrustworthy one. But, fording the current toward sympathetic gestures, humble entreaty and regained trust is the path to contentment. Sometimes moving on means being okay with contentment in a relationship. Don't rush the flower of friendship in its blooming. It will blossom in it's own time.
I listened to these three songs while I wrote this post. They helped move me from remembering, to repairing, and finally to reinvesting my heart in others: